Remnant: The Game
by PekkasandBJ
Summary: The Characters of RWBY are bored, so they decide to crack out Remnant: The Game. Of course, a passing deity was bored and decided to make some of the card effects much more... real. WARNING: Language, Violence, Sexual Content


**Hello and welcome to the board game Remnant: The Game!**

 **Select the 4 characters you wish to play, and they will battle in a duel of kingdom! Cards! Love?**

 **Our first combatants are:**

 ***Drum Roll***

 **Team CEMN!**

 **Cinder Fall**

The strange alluring beauty of a team leader, Cinder has suspiciously no logs in the kingdom, medical health, birth certificate, you name it, it is gone. How curious!

 **Emerald Sustrai**

A member of Cinder's team, this exotic lass from Vacuo has the hots for Cinder and an annoying partner named Mercury Black. Also has kleptomaniac tendencies, poor thing!

 **Mercury Black**

A member of Cinder's team, this man has oddly large legs for someone so lithe, and Emerald spoke about how he hurt them a while ago. Hope your legs get better man!

 **Neopolitian**

The last member of Cinder's team, this tiny bomb of a lass is the 2nd most adorable/cute thing you may see ever, she's got a parasol she can use to gut people with it's sharp sword inside. Handy!

 **These four shall battle as strategists for their kingdoms, let's spin the wheel for who is who!**

Cinder Fall - **Atlas**

 _Cinder Fall is seen standing before a large window over-looking the emerald forest, she is wearing a feminized version of General Ironwood's suit and has a scar over her left eye, it's colour dulled._

Emerald Sustrai - **Vacuo**

 _Emerald is seen wearing a naval captain's uniform, looking out the window of a ship, where other ships are following._

Mercury Black - **Vale**

 _Mercury is standing atop Beacon tower, looking out it's windows with a cane and a cup of coffee in his hand, wearing a slimmer version of Ozpin's outfit with Glynda standing beside him._

Neopolitian - **Mantle**

 _I'll be honest with you, I can't think of anything except Neo in her normal getup overlooking a city of poverty.  
_

 **Let the games begin!**

"How on Remnant did you manage to convince me to do this?" Cinder muttered.

"Don't question it Cinder, the author works in mysterious ways." Mercury stated, making a rainbow over his head and breathing 'wow'.

"Author? And how the hell did you do that?" Emerald watched as the rainbow sparkled and faded.

"..." Neopolitan sat back and watched the three.

 **Mercury shall go first.**

All the players drew 7 cards.

Cinder merely raised an eyebrow.

Emerald grumbled.

Mercury grinned.

Neo had no reaction.

"First, I shall activate 'Lumber Yard' and 'Mines'." Mercury began, placing the two cards on the field and little figurines of them appeared. "With that, I shall begin my army with 'Slumbering Deathstalker'." Mercury ended, passing his turn to Neo.

Neo placed down 'Fishing Boats' and 'Gold Mines'. She passed her turn to Cinder.

Cinder stared at her hand before placing down 'Dust Mine' and 'Farms'.

"I activate 'Inexperienced Spy'. I get to take one card from any player's hand. I shall take your leftmost card Emerald." Cinder placed the card down and Emerald stared down at her leftmost card before face-palming and handing it to Cinder, keeping it hidden from Neo and Mercury.

Cinder grinned as she looked at her stolen card before passing the turn to Emerald.

Put horribly at a disadvantage by losing a powerful starter card, Emerald passed her turn for lack of food or materials.

Mercury drew a card from the deck and gave it a look.

"I activate 'Traitors'. I shall take control of your Dust Mine, Cinder." Mercury placed the card down before moving the figurine of the dust mine to Vale's walls. Cinder gave him a dirty look.

"With the minerals from the mine, I build 'Atlesian Paladins'." Mercury finished, passing to Neo.

Neo drew a card from the deck. She placed another 'Gold Mine' down before gazing over at Mercury's 'Slumbering Deathstalker'.

With no troops in her hand requiring riches to activate, she tapped her Gold Mine from last turn and Mercury's 'Slumbering Deathstalker'.

"You wanna trade?" Mercury asked. Neo nodded and grinned. Mercury scratched his chin as he looked at his hand. "Sure, I need money anyway."

Neo's 'Gold Mine' switched places with Mercury's 'Slumbering Deathstalker'. With a firm defense now, she passed her turn to Cinder.

Cinder drew a card from the deck and her eyes seemed to light up and her teeth gritted. With a useless hand without Dust, she passed her turn to Emerald.

Emerald drew a card from the deck, and breathed a sigh of relief.

"I play 'Dust Quarry', which instantly gives me Dust, so I play 'Huntsman'." Emerald finished, placing the powerful card down on the field. Emerald grinned before passing her turn to Mercury.

Mercury gritted his teeth and looked at his hand before an idea came to him.

"Heart of the Cards, Don't FAIL ME!" Mercury yelled as the card he was drawing gained a razor sharp edge and cut a yellow line as it came to his hand. Mercury whooped.

"I activate 'Murder'. I get to kill one unit on the field. Goodbye 'Huntsman'!" Mercury stated, placing both 'Murder' and 'Huntsman' in the discard pile. "Then, I activate 'Sacrifice'. I destroy my 'Gold Mine' and I get to draw a card."

Mercury drew the card from the deck, and he instantly looked at Neo with a gaze fit for a man with a guaranteed victory.

"I activate 'Diplomatic Marriage'. Neo, mine and your kingdom become merged." Mercury stated before wedding bells were heard.

Immediately, the the table vanished and Cinder and Emerald were wearing Bridesmaid's outfits, standing beside an arch with Mercury standing in a black tuxedo with a bowtie next to Neo who was wearing a dress with a veil over her head.

"You may now kiss the bride." Ozpin, who was the pastor for some reason, stated as he closed a thick book.

Mercury turned to Neo and lifted the veil off her face. Her wide smile shone back at him as he held her hands while he placed his lips upon hers.

Instantly, everyone was sitting back at the table, in their normal getup except Mercury and Neo had rings which matched.

"Well... That happened." Emerald stated, still in shock.

"Neo has soft lips." Mercury stated absent-midedly. Neo gave him a smile and winked at him.

"Anyway, because I have riches and Dust, I place 'Team of Huntsman', which can't be targeted by card effects, deals double damage to Grimm and can attack the turn it's trained." Mercury ended, placing the final card in his hand down.

"My 'Team of Huntsman' and 'Atleasian Paladins' attack your Wall, Cinder." Mercury grinned smugly as Cinder grumbled, placing two counters in front of her. "With that, my turn finally ends." Mercury waved at Neo.

Neo drew a card from the deck, and great amusement could be seen in her eyes.

Neo looked at Cinder before placing down 'Exchange Goods'. Cinder grumbled and took Neo's middle card, which was completely useless to both her and Neo, while Neo took Cinder's 2nd to right card, and a dangerous smirk came to her face as she looked at it.

Neo placed her 'Slumbering Deathstalker' in the discard pile and placed 'Grimm Pools' down. She then played 'Prototype Collector' and tapped her Grimm Pool, which spat out two blobs of red before going to the discard pile. She then removed the two blobs of red and placed down 'Salem'.

Cinder, Emerald and Mercury were all in shock at such a turn, before the most smug expression came to Mercury's face.

"Salem can be created with just one blob of Grimm Essence. But if you use two, she summons three Grimm tokens, which can't be destroyed by battle as long as she remains on the field. She also has incredibly high attack and defense." Mercury gloated. Cinder face-planted on the desk and placed her hand on the field as 'Salem's' three Grimm tokens destroyed her wall.

Emerald grimaced as Salem herself attacked her wall. Neo passed her turn to Emerald.

Emerald looked at her field, then her hand, then the card she just drew before she placed her hand back on the deck, facing up.

"I forfeit." She grumbled as she spread her hand out, it's uselessness evident the moment Neo and Mercury looked at it.

"Well, that was a smashing if I do say so myself." Mercury grinned.

"The creators are re-balancing some of the cards in the new update soon, 'Salem' is way too OP, so is 'Ozpin' and 'Team of Huntsman'." Emerald grunted, salty at her utter defeat.

 **Hours later, night...**

Emerald lay wide awake in her bed as, above her, the bed was creaking, shaking and Neo was moaning loud enough to wake the dead, as the duo consummated their marriage on their honeymoon.

"What a weird game." She grumbled.


End file.
